


Deep End

by Nymphcos



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Aliens, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, At first hance sounded good but imagine all of them, Body Modification, Bonding over being stuck with zarkon, Depression, Druid torture, Eventual Relationships, Eventual sniper lance, Langst, M/M, Murder, Possible Character Death, Possible shiro/matt/lance bonding, Psychological Torture, Rarepairs!!, Sad Lance (Voltron), Self-Harm, Series, Shiro/matt/lance, Slow Burn, Torture, Traitor, prisoner lance, rarepair
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-17
Updated: 2017-02-12
Packaged: 2018-09-18 02:19:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9361421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nymphcos/pseuds/Nymphcos
Summary: When lance arrives at The Garrison as a cargo pilot, he wishes he could go home. When Keith leaves, he expects to be respected by the teachers. When he joins Voltron, he thinks he might finally get the attention he deserves. He's wrong about a lot of things, but he hopes he's not wrong about the trust in his fellow paladins. Lance never expected for no one to answer his call for help.All he got was frustrated groans telling him to handle it. He doesn't handle it.





	1. So Cold

The Garrison was one of the hardest space flight schools on the planet, and Lance was ecstatic when he got the letter in the mail. The young teen had ripped into the letter with enthusiasm, his bright grin dropping off of his face as he read further. In a matter of two seconds, Lance had launched the letter down and stormed upstairs past his unruly siblings. Heavy stomps of feet followed him, interrogations bubbling out of their young mouths.

"Shut up!"

A wooden door slammed as the teen screeched, cutting off his siblings. Shaking hands turned the lock, his fingers slipping on the cold brass. Lance paced, hands tugging at his hair. He was happy that he got in, but the fact that it was under cargo pilot discouraged him. The room dimmed as the sun set. Lance hid in the dark from his uncertainties and the taunts from his siblings.

Living with siblings was a lot more obstinate than people made it out to be. He had to fight tooth and nail for attention; to be heard for a millisecond. Growing up as a middle child was its own struggle, parents were strict on him. Always saying you had to be a perfect example for the younger kids. Lance was exhausted, done with being the middle child. He was done being the perfect child. It never paid out. He was never remunerated for his efforts like his younger or older siblings. So when Lance found himself as the top cargo pilot, he was glad to be getting away from the scorn of his parents.

With a vacant room at the garrison, he realized his mistake. The walls didn't have glow in the dark stars. There were no spaced-themed bedsheets. Only blank walls and a singular bunkbed. This room was supposed to become home, and Lance couldn't fathom how. Lance only looked towards the door when his roommate stepped in. He was tall, pudgy and reminded Lance of his cousin. The other boy in the room greeted Lance with a grin, and Lance felt the need to return one.

"Hi! I'm Hunk Garret," Lance quirked his eyebrows and waved a little.

"Lance Sanchez, it's nice to meet you," he took a breath, getting rid of his shaky voice, and started that sentence again.

"what did you enter for?" Lance seemed to guess he caught a good topic, as he watched Hunks' gaze light up.

"I'm an engineer. Hopefully, I can do that from the ground. I'm terrified of heights and flying." Lance gave a small sympathetic smile and nodded. The two fell into a comfortable silence as they unpacked, the swish of clothes allowing them to relax.

Three weeks into the semester, Lance swore to hate Keith Kogane. The Cuban boy never forgot the comments from his teachers about his lackluster performance compared to this Keith guy. He never would.

Three weeks into the semester, Hunk was his best friend. The Hawaiian boy would listen to lance's rants, maybe even adding things. They would giggle together at 3 am about small things other cadets dared to do. Lance would share his feelings and doubts about being at the academy. He would share things about his home life. Hunk would return the favors often, allowing Lance to feel at home with him. Hunk would talk about how particle accelerators worked and Lance would accidentally fall asleep. Lance thought that maybe when Keith got kicked out, the tauntings from other students and teachers would lessen. He was wrong. Even in space, three years after the academy, he couldn't get away from comparison to Keith.

_The screen Lance was staring at flashed red with the words 'Simulation Failed.' Lance barely took notice of the comment from Pidge. His stomach turned as the door to the ship opened._

_"Roll out donkeys!" Lance cringed and pushed himself out of the harness, feet dragging on the floor of the ship._

_"Well let's see if we can't use this complete failure as a lesson for the rest of us!" Lance flinched at the words Iverson spat at them. The surrounding students raised their hands and called out answers. Each one sent a jolt of emotion through Lance, forcing him to fight down his tears. He half listened, eyes downcast as the captain rambled about the importance of the school. Lance's attention was pulled from his feet to Pidge shouting._

_"That's not true Sir!" Lance jerked, arms reaching around to cover Pidge's mouth. Stuttering, Lance floundered for an excuse, finally landing on one._

_"Sorry, sir!! I-I think he may have hit his head when he fell out of his chair," he paused, "but point taken." Lance straightened a small smile onto his face._

_"I hope I don't need to remind you," Iverson took a small step towards lance, "the only reason you're here, is that the best pilot in your class had a discipline issue and flunked out." Lance swallowed harshly, biting down on his tongue as the captain continued._

_"Don't follow in his footsteps." Taking a small breath, Lance kept his gaze even so as not to let the others know the words got to him. He could feel Hunk's concerned look, so he sent him a small reassuring smile. Lance felt like it didn't belong on his face._

_All three of them trudged back to their rooms, Lance and Hunk departed from Pidge with a small wave. After Hunk shut the door, Lance felt his shoulders collapse against his friend, taking advantage of Hunk's rock-like stature._

_"You guys would've passed that simulation if Keith was your pilot." Hunk's fingers carded through Lance's hair while he hummed._

_"I don't think that's true," Hunk paused and rested his chin against Lance's head. Lance cut Hunk off, muttering things the teachers had told him._

_"Hunk..even the teachers think it. That I'm only here because of Keith dropping out. They think I don't deserve to be here." Lance sucked in a shallow breath, burying his face in Hunk's neck._

_"They always compare me to Keith." A soft sob left Lance, muffled by fabric. Hunk remembered the teachers. Often, he witnessed it during class. It hurt to see Lance fall apart. Lance fell apart like storm clouds; gave small warnings and then emptied out until they were empty. Hunk pulled Lance back until they were sitting on a bed. Lance's hiccups and broken sobs echoed off the still barren walls. After minutes of shallow breaths and humming, Hunk spoke._

_"Cmon, let's go get Pidge and get a snack." Lance nodded, letting Hunk wipe the warm tears off of his chin. "okay," Hunk smiled and ruffled Lance's hair as he got up._

_Both boys changed out of their training uniforms quickly, before sneaking out of their dorm. Lance felt like something was wrong, even as they pattered quietly down the halls. His muscles were jittery, unable to keep still. Even after crying, Lance felt tired and worn out. But Lance knew he had to look okay. Worry was thrumming through Lance like blood through veins. He felt like he knew he wasn't wanted at the academy. He wasn't deserving of the title fighter pilot._

Sometimes Lance thought he didn't deserve to be a paladin, but Blue would purr and rumble that she chose him for a reason. Sitting in the cockpit of Blue was the only real escape away from the comparisons sometimes. The only other option would be Hunk, but Lance knew that the other thought he was over the Garrison. Turns out it's worse than before. When Lance heard that Keith was the red paladin, his heart sunk to his feet and he felt confined. A taunt left his lips before he could control it, and suddenly he could feel the frustrated gaze from Shiro. Lance wished he hadn't cut Allura off. Maybe then he would know what he benefitted the team with. He wasn't sure anymore. With each recent mission, Lance felt himseld slipping from the team, not being able to see the ideas they all thought.

 _ **'Cub, it is okay. This has happened before.'** _ Blue purred harshly, trying to convey to her paladin that he was supposed to be here.

Three years hadn't changed her paladin's mind. Ultimately, Voltron fed off of their feelings, and Lance knew every time they formed, they felt unwanted; unneeded. No one could pin down the feeling to Lance, and for that he was glad. The blue paladin curled deeper into the pilot seat, wrapping his arms around himself. Warm tears met his cold cheeks and Lance felt ashamed that he was crying. He was a paladin of Voltron, after all! They didn't cry, or have time for trivial feelings when the universe was at stake. With a determined sigh, Lance decided to go join the other Paladins for dinner. He felt up to making jokes enough so the others wouldn't worry. Blue sent a reassuring purr, then reprimanded her paladin for thinking he had to hide his feelings from the others.

Lance knew if they found out, Shiro would be disappointed, Keith would tease him and tell him that he didn't deserve to be a paladin. He was a cargo pilot, after all.

Pidge would just laugh and make fun of him for spending so much time worry over something so stupid.

Hunk would.. well, he'd probably know exactly what was wrong, and then search for slip ups in Lance's façade each time one of the other's made a comment.

When Lance approached the Dining room, the last thing he expected was to be reprimanded. "Oh, Lance, how nice of you to finally join us." Allura's tone was more than teasing. He could feel the bite from the words.

"Sorry princess, I was doing work on Blue," the princess shook her head at Lance.

"You cannot skip meal times. It is an important bonding time between each of you and you cannot be slacking." The words felt like nails driving themselves into his skin, and Lance itched to leave. The gazes from each of the paladins, plus Coran, was intimidating.

Shiro spoke, words more calm than allura's previous outburst.

"What she means, Lance, is that you have been spending less time with us and it's worrisome." Lance let out a laugh, scratching at the back of his head.

"I've been trying to work with Blue and my bayard to see if we could transform it into whatever we want like Keith said Zarkon could do." It wasn't a lie, but it still made Lance's skin itch more. The blue paladin raised his gaze to meet Shiro's, trying to keep his face from revealing any further emotion.

Apparently, it worked, because Shiro nodded and turned to talk to Pidge about something. Lance quickly grabbed food good, trying to ignore the way his hands shook as he lifted the spoon to his mouth. Trying to eat as fast as he could was bothersome, but he wanted to get away from Keith's accusing glare. Finally deciding he'd eaten enough, Lance shot up out of his chair. He didn't miss the way the others flinched at the scratch of his chair against the tile. Making quick work of dumping his food out and washing the dish, Lance scurried out of the dining hall. Each paladin remaining shared a look, and Keith stood, along with Hunk.

"I'll go."

The two exchanged a look, and Hunk sighed, rubbing his face.

"Keith you really shouldn't," Hunk started to explain, but Keith scoffed and walked out of the room without a second glance.

"Hey, Cargo Pilot!" Keith yelled at Lance's retreating figure. Lance sighed, shoulders slumping as he turned around to face the approaching red paladin. He was too tired for a com back, or to even react to the harsh reminder.

"What, Keith." Lance could hear how tired he was, and he cringed.

"What is wrong with you!? All of us are working our butts off to get better and you're just slacking like you think this is a joke." Lance laughed just to see the surprise on Keith's face. The widened eyes and the small intake of air.

"I'm sorry I don't do everything naturally like you. Eventually, You get tired of being a shadow and train by yourself where people don't compare you to a natural." another laugh bubbled in Lance's chest.

"I have been training my ass off! But nobody even notices because you outshine anything I ever do! I-" Lance was cut off in his rant by alarms, and Allura shouting at them to get to their lions. Walking passed a stunned Keith, Lance didn't spare him another glance.

Bright beams sent the lions scattering, the frustrated groans from everyone melding with the roars of their lions.

"Lance! On your Six!" Spinning around on Pidge's call, his lion took the brunt of the hit. Altean alerts popped up on the screen, and Blue groaned. Apparently, the drones took notice of Blue's slowness, because not longer after the harsh hit, they were cornered against a wall.

"Guys!!!I need help!! Please!!" Lance felt like his cries were drowned in the other noises of battle.

"Cant you handle it, Lance?!" Pidge yelled, getting approving noises from the others.

"Sure. Whatever." Lance muttered, letting out a yelp as Blue jolted with each hit, until Lance felt himself lose connection with his lion, and he started yelling, banging on the controls.

"C'mon blue please, please." He could hear Hunk yelling for him to hold out a little longer. Lance was thrown out of the pilot's seat as Blue was sent flying. His shoulder smashed against the wall, and a sickening crunch made lance want to throw up. Another hit tossed Lance's head against the roof of Blue, and he was out. Voices screamed through the shattered earpiece of his helmet. Lance sobbed as his vision came back to swimming voices. Purple squashed his vision, crowding his senses. Lance immediately sat up and vomited, his shaky blue gaze meeting iris-less yellow eyes.

"Report to Zarkon. We have the Blue Paladin."


	2. In My Veins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Galra are a little more innovative than Lance suspected; Despite the lack of anesthetic. Sleep becomes a waste and melds with the awake hours, spent watching one cell mate leave after another. Haggar's hallucinations become an escape from himself.  
> Lance tries not to think anything besides what he has to do to survive. He tries not to think about the blood on his hands or the poor cellmates he never saw again. There was no use in suffering more now if he wasn't even sure he would get to leave.  
> Hope isn't the easiest thing to hold onto until it's there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew!!! I pumped out this chapter in three days! AP classes are kicking my ass. Anyway!! I wanted to update tonight in response to the new season of VLD!! I hope you guys enjoy, this wasn't checked by anyone, and it's 3 am so I'm too lazy to go back and check through. Sorry if the POV is weird, I usually like to keep my writing in almost a 3rd person sort of view, but even then the reader isn't aware fully of what's going on. Sooooo yeah!!

The blinding light was the first thing Lance noticed when he came to. With a soft groan, he turned, trying to avoid from facing the harsh purple light.

“The newcomer is awake, back up!”

Lance reached a hand up to cover his ears, the soft voice sending a blow of pain through his skull. Once the blow faded, a harsh pounding remained. Sighing, Lance weakly pushed himself up, groaning at the pain in his shoulder. It wasn’t as bad as he remembered it, but the pounding pain in his shoulder competed with a headache.

“wh-where am I?” Lance's voice was gravelly when he first spoke, his eyes squinting open. There were about six or eight others in what he assumed was a cell.

“You are with the Galra, young one.” Lance dropped his head at the response and fought back tears. The paladins would come get him, right? Doubt wormed its way into Lance's stomach, reminding him that he was here because his team didn’t help him.

“Maybe they won’t come,” Lance felt the words slip out of his mouth, but he didn’t bother looking towards the aliens to see if they had heard him.

Turning his attention to his surroundings, Lance sat up fully so he could see. Large metal doors blocked most of the view, but the purple light tracks etched into it gave off an eerie feeling that Lance couldn’t shake off. The rest of the cell matched the door, other than the inset carvings. Deciding there wasn’t much else to look at, he turned his attention to the fact that he was without his paladin armor. He was in the same exact outfit Shiro had been in when they had rescued him. Sighing, Lance slumped against the wall behind him to face the others.

“How long have I been out?” the aliens seemed to pause at that and one shrugged.

“We know not, time is not measurable in this cell, but from a guess, it couldn’t have been more than a couple of blids.” Lance quirked an eyebrow, nodding like he understood. Lance watched everyone in the cell flinch when the door started opening. A glara drone head popped in and Lance felt like the purple eyes were watching him. 

“You. Human. Come with me.”

Lance stood, wary of the drone. He followed wordlessly as the drone led him down a corridor, the walls matching that of the cells. Lance turned a corner, to be met with another hallway that led into a bright room filled with columns. Something large was causing a ruckus in the room. Sparing a glance behind him, Lance noticed other aliens being led to the same spot. A sigh left him as he turned back to what he assumed was an arena, like Shiro described. Lance took a deep breath and took the weapon the drone in front of him was holding out. The drone started speaking, but its voice caused the dull pain residing in his skull to flare to life once more. Shoving past the drone, Lance inspected the weapon, making an assumption that it was a gun of some sort.

Lance stepped out into the arena, bright lights and cheering meeting his pounding head. A grunt left Lance as he observed the monster across from him. It was tall, had metal armor that Lance wished he had. Dark fur covered the monster's face, only leaving room for two slits lance assumed were nostrils and red eyes. Coming to the assumptions that the large ears it had meant strong hearing. With a glance at his gun, he swiped through the modes, clicking on the silencer option. Watching the gun morph, Lance dropped down into a squat behind a column. Trying to make his steps light, he shifted so he could see around the column. As the gun loaded, it made a loud click, and Lance watched in horror as red eyes jerked to look his way, ears twitching for movement.

Trying to stay quiet and keep his breathing stable, Lance brought his eyes to the scope, adjusting the zoom until it focused. Quietly, Lance clicked the trigger to send a bullet zipping past another column, straight into the monster's ear. A loud screech roared through the arena, sending a shiver through his bones. He wouldn’t kill this alien. It probably had a family, right? Lance closed his eyes and let out another breath, reloading his gun with a click. This time, he was prepared, and he tossed a small rock onto the other side of the arena. Lance watched the alien jerk to face the other way and came to the conclusion that the large ears made up for eyesight in daylight. Setting the gun to stun, Lance pulled the trigger again, this bullet hitting the alien in the back of the head.

Sparks wrapped the alien, causing it to screech in agony. Lance flinched and walked out from behind the column. His steps echoed and the alien, despite being encased in electricity, turned back around. Lance watched as it opened its mouth, and in a matter of seconds lance didn’t comprehend, red liquid shot out of its mouth. Jerking to avoid the liquid, Lance felt his ankle twist wrong. A sharp spike of pain wracked into up Lance's leg, and suddenly the floor was closer than before. With a loud thump, Lance’s weapon skidded across the floor, leaving him defenseless. The same red liquid shot out again and got a good hit on Lance's right hand.

A cry split through the air, Lance cradling his injured hand to his chest. Without looking at it, Lance shoved himself up, body crying in protest. He scurried to his weapon, jerking away from shots of red liquid. When Lance reached his gun, he slid to the ground on his knees, landing a few feet away from where the monster stood. Lance reloaded and placed a slippery trigger finger on the trigger. It slid against the plastic like material and Lance didn’t want to think of what that substance was. Without a second thought, Lance fired once. Reloaded. Fired again. The alien went down with a loud roar, spitting red liquid wildly. Luckily, the venom didn't reach Lance, who lay on the ground heaving for breaths and cradling his hand once more. His blue gaze dropped to said hand as bells chimed, and a voice announced.

“We have a new Champion!”

The crowd was a mixture of cheers and disappointment. His hand was drenched in blood, sores bubbling underneath the thick layer of it. His hand seared underneath the skin, telling him that it wasn’t just a skin wound. His ears buzzed, gaze locked on his hand as two soldiers pulled him into a standing position. He let out a sob as they forced him to stand on his ankle and raise his injured hand in the air in a wave. When the crowd yelled for another round, Lance slumped forward, letting the tears drip from his eyelashes into the sand-like ground. Lance recognized being moved, but they passed his cell, he thought. Lance guessed they entered a room from the swish and slam of a metal object.

When a new voice, a feminine one he recognized, spoke, his head shot up, sending a reeling blurriness to his eyes. Once they focused, Lance recognized a woman Keith described as a witch. He tensed and bared his teeth at her, the drones tugging him back when he tried to launch himself at her. “Calm down, Blue paladin. I am going to heal your ankle and replace your hand.” Lance yelled in protest as the droids jerked him over to a table. He dug his heels into the tile, pulling against the metal hands. Struggling didn’t prove to do anything, so Lance went slack with exhaustion from the effort. Harsh metal smashed against his spine as the soldiers tossed him onto a table of some sort.

“Sleep, paladin.”

Lance woke to indescribable pain, his hand felt like it had been ripped off. He wouldn’t be surprised if it was. The room was dark, clinks of metal and hushed voices finally filled Lance's ears and he realized he wasn’t alone. Maybe it was the shock, but he wasn’t aware of the hand digging into his wrist until his gaze dropped to it. Tan skin led to bright pink and red after the middle of his forearm. A wiry purple hand was laid on the skin after the beginnings of pink and red scarring. A cry ripped itself from Lance's throat as metal was shoved up into what he assumed was his wrist. His mind went foggy for a couple seconds, leaving Lance in a dark state of nothingness. Screams echoed around Lance; he wasn’t sure if they were his own anymore. A spasm forced itself through Lance, a lull in the sobs and screams followed its path. Lance tilted his head to the side, letting the cold metal of the table burn itself into his skin. Black encased his vision with another screech that terrified the blue paladin.

When Lance woke up once more, the only pain he felt was a throbbing in his forearm. Lance tried to flex a finger, surprised when something metal tapped against the table. The sound rang through the now empty room. Lance found he able to move his arms freely, along with his legs. Hesitantly, the blue paladin pushed himself up, turning himself to his toes rested against the floor. Pushing himself off of the table slowly, Lance tested pressure on his bad foot, only to find comfortable strength. Now that he knew his ankle was okay, Lance lifted his right arm. Gray metal replaced his original tanned skin, and it left Lance wanting to rip the prosthetic off. Tears collected and blurred Lance’s vision. Instead of purple lights, blue light ran itself along the seams of the metal pieces. The hand seemed to make a whirring sound whenever Lance moved it, and he worried it would give away his position In future fights. A shift of metal brought Lance's attention to the two guards stationed at the door.

Cracking a grin, Lance waved with his new hand, “Guess I gotta go back, huh?”

The guards grunted, and Lance walked over to them, gaze locked on his.

“click!” Lance cringed at the loud noise in his ear and lifted his human hand to the ear that made the noise. His fingers met cold metal and Lance almost yelped at the volume of the sound.

“What the fuck?” At his exclamation, one guard spared him a glance.

“Haggard must have enhanced your ears. The ugly little things.” Lance stared at his galra hand, trying to resist the urge to cry. Defeated, Lance dropped his hand from his ear, trudging towards the Guards.

“Take me home, boys. Ow!” Lances rubbed the back of his head, glaring at the guard who had hit it. Grumbling to himself on the way back, Lance's mind wandered. _Was he still a paladin? Did Zarkon have Blue? Were the others going to come for him?_

Lance remembered when Allura had been taken by Zarkon and Keith had vouched for not going. _Would it be that way now, too? Would Lance be stuck as a prisoner until he found a way out?_ The guards stopped, and Lance's attention jerked to the door they were standing in front of. This was not his cell. Before he could ask, the door slid open and Lance was shoved into yet another dark room.

“Can't you guys ever get decent lighting for once?” Lance called out, voice echoing through the room. During his observation of the dark room, Lance had missed the door being shut being him.

“It’s so…Nice of you to join me, paladin.” Lance flinched, gaze darting around the dark to find the origin.

“Zarkon complained about you sparing the alien you fought, today. I'm here to put your punishment in action.” Lance made a growling noise, balling his fists.

“And what? Replacing my hand and my ears weren’t enough punishment!?” Lance spat at the darkness, dropping back into a defensive stance.

“Your…alteration was my idea, Zarkon thought it would be fun if I played with you for a while.” Lance cringed, lifting his Galra hand up.

He remembered Shiro explaining how he got it to work when lance had asked. Focusing his energy on the hand, he grinned in satisfaction as it hummed and lit up. The blue light it gave off lit up the room for a foot or so.

“Oh, I see, The Champion must have taught you. Good work, paladin.” Lance faltered, before lunging at the area he thought the voice came from. His hand sliced through think air and lance gave a frustrated yell.

“You know full well your team will never return for you. They will come for the Blue lion, but they probably couldn’t value you. Blues were always the most disposable.” Lance covered his ears, shouting for her to shut up.

“My team values me and I know it!!” Lance heard puffs of a laugh.

“You and I both know that's not true.” Lance stumbled back when yellow eyes appeared in front of him. Pushing his hand up, Lance felt the metal slice through something, and it made Lance ‘s stomach curdle whatever he last ate at the Castle of Lions. A screech tore through the room, and Lance moved back, shaking.

"How dare you!!!” Lance flinched, taking more steps back. Purple lightning zapped through the room and lance lifted his human arm up defensively. Tiny needles pricked along his arm as the lightning just barely missed his elbow. Yelling out in surprise, Lance stumbled into a body. Barely getting a moment before he was engulfed in darkness, Lance screamed.

_“Lance.”_

_“Lance wake up.”_

_Lance shot up, forehead colliding with another._

_“wha-“ Lance gasped, eyes snapping open._

_“woah, buddy. Take it easy.” Lance blinked, eyes narrowing as his vision focused._

_“Shiro?” Lance's gaze focused on the face above him and he jerked backward, shoving Shiro away from him. Yellow eyes glared at him, eyebrows pulled together in confusion._

_“What’s wrong, Lance?” ‘Shiro' cocked his head to the side and leaned forward to feel Lance's forehead. Lance flinched, scurrying backward. His back hit metal and Lance finally focused on his surroundings. He was in Blue. With Shiro and, Lance looked to his left towards the entrance, the rest of the paladins._

_“You guys aren’t my team,” Lance managed to speak past his dry mouth and aching throat. A laugh bubbled from ‘Shiro’._

_“Of course we are.” Lance gulped and looked down at his right hand. The Galra tech reflected Blue's emergency lights, and somehow it made Lance feel better and worse. This meant that this might not be a dream, and it might be a complete dream. He hoped he might wake up to the white walls of the Castle of Lions. Lance watched as Shiro's eyes darted to his hand, and suddenly the older man had pulled back, face contorted in disgust._

_"You’re a monster!!!” Shiro growled, and backed away, running_ _out of the cockpit of Blue. Lance's eyes widened as he looked over at the others, his gaze meeting Hunk's expressionless one._

_“Lance…we…we won’t coming to get you. Allura will be piloting the Blue lion. We're sorry.” Lance slumped against Blue, running his hand across a panel._

_“You're not sorry, you guys are glad that I’m gone.” Lance lifted his gaze to the other just in time for them to nod and leave. The scene switched and Lance was back in his cell. Loud noises were muffled by the metal door, and shouting disturbed his story. Groaning, Lance narrowed his eyes at the door. It was flung open, and Lance's eyes widened at Hunk._

_“No! No, you can’t be here!!” Lance shouted, reaching for Hunk. His eyes widened as Hunk yelled, and he tried to move faster. A squishing sound made Lance gag, and he looked up at Hunk. His best friend stood there with a sword through his abdomen._

_“Hunk!!!” Lance yelled, tears pricking his eyes. Hunk tumbled forward, and Lance slid forward, catching his friend as he fell. Lifting his gaze, Lance looked up to see Keith and Pidge._

_“Look what you did!! Lance, you killed him!!!” Lance flinched, pulling Hunk's body closer to him._

_“No, I didn’t!!! The galra did!!” Lance let out a sob, his hands gripping the armor on Lance's back._

_“Aren’t you a Galra soldier?” Lance flinched and shook his head, burying his face into Hunk's neck. Hunk used to be so warm. Sobs wracked his shoulders and he screamed, begging Hunk to wake up._

The days passed like Lance assumed they would. He would struggle in the arena, and if he spared his enemy? He would waste time with Haggar. Lance came to enjoy Haggar's sessions. It allowed him to see his team. Twirling a strand of hair, Lance came to wonder if Haggar knew he liked their time. Lance tightened his fist around a strand of hair, trying not to dwell on the session today. They had been more horrifying; tackling his fears head on. With a shudder, Lance set his hand down beside him, letting it drop to the metal floor with a loud 'chink!'. By now, Lance had watched each cellmate he once had, disappear one by one, and he stopped liking to fall asleep after a new one would arrive.

Earlier the guards had shoved a new one in, and Lance was just waiting for them to wake up. It was a routine, Lance would greet the new prisoner, share some stories from Earth to distract them, and then later find them to be nonexistent. Seeing their faces contort in wonder was a good sight, and Lance took pride in being able to make the others look happy, at least for a little while. Movement sounded in the corner of the cell and Lance's gaze snapped to the moving figure, finally observing the lump in the corner. Lance's eyes widened as he took in the golden hair, wiry frame, and pale skin.

Confused, Lance peered closer and jerked back when the stranger opened their eyes. Gold met blue and Lance almost yelled, stopping himself when he remembered that it would alert the guards.

"Matt?" Lance's voice came out shaky, a soft whisper. Matt turned his head towards the voice. Lance grinned, raising a hand and waving.

"The name's Lance McClain, I'm from Earth. I also happen to know your sister," Lance laughed quietly, watching the change in Matt's facial expressions.

"You know Katie!?" Matt gasped out, leaning forward to grab onto Lance's shoulders. Lance nodded, leaning into the touch. It had been so long since he had human contact and could really use a hug. Plus who could blame him, Matt was hot. Matt sighed quietly, leaning back.

"How is she?" Matt looked away, and Lance smiled.

"She's doing good, last I saw." Lance sighed, leaning back until he was laying down.

Tapping his metal fingers against the floor, Lance waited for the guard to appear. About five taps later, the door opened and Lance stood, standing in front of Matt. He found Matt finally; he wasn't about to let Matt slip through his fingers.

"Move, Blue paladin. Or I will force you." Lance shrugged, hand humming to life. Raising the glowing Galratech, Lance made a clicking noise with his tongue.

"Listen, pal, I really don't want to hurt you, so just let me go fight the big guy, will ya?" Sparing a glance back at Matt, he grinned. Matt smiled weakly, a small sense of deja vu ran through Matt.

"Be careful, Lance." Lance saluted and pushed the soldier out of the cell. _'If this is the one good thing I get to do for my team, then so be it'_ Lance thought as he passed down the hallway of cells.

Huffing, Lance walked with the soldier to the Arena and came to terms that the consequences for this could be worse than any other he's had before. As the opening into blinding light came into view, Lanced shoved the thought into the back of his mind and pulled his weapon from the drone's hands.

The crowd cheered around Lance, the crowd growing louder as he raised a hand in a mock wave. It might be a little terrifying to fight unnervingly huge monsters in an arena that put you at the disadvantage. Lance froze in his spot as the clear covering over the dome became clouded, actual clouds forming. The hairs on Lance's arms raised and he looked around, eyes wide. A loud roar echoed in the room, and lightning shattered the sky as it broke into pounding rain. Fat drops of water-like substance splashed against Lance's skin, leaving a tingling sensation in their wake. With a frustrated groan, Lance flicked through the options on his rifle. Something screeched in the impenetrable wall of water that made Lance's blood run cold. Man, was he glad Matt that wasn't the one in this mess. He remembered Shiro telling him about Matt's first encounter with the arena.

Another screech jerked Lance to the present and he dove sideways, away from the slam of a tail. Fear froze Lance to his place, eyes wide and breathing heavy. Lance aimed in the direction the tail came from, adrenaline pumping through his system at the guttural cry of pain that came from whatever this thing was. Blinking rain out of his eyes, Lance focused on channeling the fear into motivation. Lance's gaze focused on a dark shape crawling towards him. With a gasp, Lance switched the use of his rifle and fired, bullets of electricity shot through the rain, landing on the monster with a soft 'zap' sound. Lance almost celebrated the victory, until the monster screeched once more and electricity zapped through the air, searching for a victim. A tendril of lightning caught Lance on his leg, sending him scrambling for a place to hide. His rifle lay forgotten on the other side of the Arena. Closing his eyes, Lance tried to calm his almost literally fried nerves. Heaving for breath, Lance slumped over and vomited in front of his feet. His head was spinning and his leg hurt like a bitch.

"Quiznack.."

Lance leaned back, face tilted up towards the steady drops of rain that fell from the top of the dome. Lance was pleased with the fact that the monster hadn't appeared yet. Tears mixed in with the rain as Lance tried to juggle his options.  
_'Im not ready to die yet'_ , he decided with a grim smile.

  
Standing once more, the crowd raved on at his reappearance. Darting through the rain, Lance made certain his steps were light. Letting his Galra hand whir to life, Lance pushed off the ground, closing his eyes as his hand slid into something. The wet slick of animal insides would never get old. Trying not to focus on the pale yellow blood submerging his hand, Lance leaned over and vomited again, tears squeezing out of his eyes.

  
Lance barely remembered being dragged out of the arena.

  
He didn't remember when it had stopped raining, either.

Lance, however, did remember waking up on Haggar's table. As he came to, he came to realize the hands holding his eye open. Closing his not held eye, Lance came to an ugly truth. His right eye was gone. Panic crashed over Lance like a tsunami and he thrashed against the restraints digging into his ankles and wrists. 

"Let me go!!!!" Lance screamed, a cry ripping itself out of his throat without his permission. Kicking at the nearest thing, he felt a hand grab his leg with such strength it had him scared it would break him.

"This is good for you, ocean eyes. Have you ever looked at your eyes? They are like the fabled waves of earth. You will be able to see in a second. Calm, Please." Lance froze, free eye daring to open back up. It wasn't Haggar this time, but some other Galra witch, or whatever. She was young, with those weird yellow eyes that always sent a chill through Lance. What seemed to be freckles dusted her light purple complexion generously. Lance clawed at the metal table, pain swarming in his adjacent eye as fingers rummaged around.

With a click, Lance blinked, depth perception suddenly returning.

"I am sorry you are stuck here and that the druids have taken so much from you, human." Lance continued clawing at the metal, caterwauls ringing through the room and echoing back at Lance's ears. A harsh ringing filled his head and suddenly Lance was out again, floating in the abyss of unconsciousness.

Lance woke back in his cell who knows how much later. When he opened his eyes against the still harsh light, Lance's gaze greeted Matt's worried face and relief flooded his system.

"Oh thank god you're alive!! I was so worried you wouldn't wake up!!" Matt's voice was hush, for that, Lance was appreciative of. Loud noises shattered the small moment of silence, causing Lance to shoot right up. Vaguely familiar voices rang around the halls and Lance yelled in response, banging on the cell door. Lance turned to Matt and grinned, holding out his hand.

"Guess it's your lucky day, dude."

Lance twitched with excitement at the prospect of his teammates saving him. The cell door groaned as it opened, Pidge's face and Hunk's popping into the room.

"Lance!!" Pidge yelled, running towards Lance without a moment's hesitation. Stumbling a bit, Lance hugged the smaller teen back.

"Pidge meet Matt. Matt, Meet Katie, your sister. " Pidge's expression lit up and suddenly they were throwing themselves across the cell to hug their brother. Grinning, Lance turned to look at a worried Hunk.

"Let's go, guys. We don't have much longer. We got blue, Lance." Lance grabbed Matt's hand and tugged him alongside Hunk and Pidge. Lance heard the cocking of a gun way before the other's realized the enemy was even standing behind them.

Lance flicked his gaze to Hunk, then the marksman, and dived.

Pain exploded through Lance's abdomen and he cried, grasping the would with his non-human hand. Black edged him on, his grandmother calling out to him to sleep. Despite the pain and loud yelling from the others, Lance felt himself lose consciousness one more time.

"Lance!! Bud!! No, No, c'mon Matt, grab one arm!"

  
"Hunk, get something to stop the bleeding!"

  
"Goddamnit Lance, who said you got to be such a hero?"

  
_Somewhere in the back of his mind, Lance was sure that heroes weren't meant to live._


	3. Take Me Somewhere Nice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's hard to return to a place where your mind tells you that you're not wanted. It's even harder when the people you used to call family act like you aren't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for such a long delay! I've been sick for a while now, and schoolwork is a bitch. Anyway, this chapter has some kinda Klance but it wont be the official ship for the fic.

The hallways of the castle were tinged blue, set on a fake Earth-time schedule. Shiro figured it was maybe two or three in the morning at best. His footsteps echoed down the hallway, the intervals of silence eery in contrast to the usual noise of the castle. A bitterness tinged Shiro's tongue at the thought; if Lance were awake, the castle wouldn't be silent, even at this time of night. If Lance's music wasn't echoing through the halls, then Keith's sword clashing with another one was filling the silence. Tonight, neither of those things could be heard. Shiro's thoughts came to a cease as his footsteps did. A bright white light contrasted the darkness, drawing Shiro's attention elsewhere. A small lump sat curled next to a larger lump, leaning against the wall across from the pods. With a small huff, Shiro entered the med bay, grabbing a blanket from a compartment. Draping it on his two paladins, Shiro spared a glance at the pods. Heart clenching, Shiro forced his gaze elsewhere. The pained look on the blue paladin made Shiro wince, brain urging him to comfort the young adult. Yet the frozen glass kept Shiro's hands from reaching Lance, forcing him to shove down the need and turn out of the room. With one last glance at Matt's pod, the black paladin continued on his way to the training deck.

_Lance vaguely remembered the set up of the ships they infiltrated, but this one seemed unending. Each hall turned to another and another. Panting, Lance took another turn, his leg screaming in agony at the sharp movement. Cackles echoed down the purple hallways, causing goosebumps to rise on Lance's sweaty skin. The witch reappeared in front of Lance, forcing him to skid to a halt. A sob ripped its way up, tears getting blinked away. She wouldn't win. He would not break. Collapsing into a pile on the floor, Lance glared down. A brittle hand forcing his chin up, Lance's gaze was forced to meet haunting yellow eyes and a grin that was unforgettable. Gritting his teeth, Lance spat at her face, eyes narrowed. "My team **will** save me. No matter what you spit at me,  **I** am the blue paladin and you will not break me." Lance hissed, hands gripping at his black leggings. Wet, warm blood smeared across his palm and it made Lance flinch for a second. Haggard laughed breezily, her grip on Lance tightening. "I won't break you, but maybe they will," Haggard side-stepped and Keith popped out from behind her. Panic spread through Lance and he reached for his friend, desperate. Pain exploded through Lance's hands as Keith's slapped his away. Confused, Lance flinched backward at the emotions swirling in Keith's eyes. Hatred, anger, and uncanny disappointment had the paladin pushing himself away from the other teen. Shiro followed behind Keith, followed by Hunk, followed by Pidge. Lance's lungs tightened, the breath being ripped out of him. He tried to repeat to himself that they weren't real; they couldn't be._

_"Lance, are you kidding me! Couldn't you handle some meager drones? What kind of paladin are you?" Keith reached forward and gripped Lance's collar. "You are an excuse of a pilot. Iverson was right, you aren't worthy of the title 'fighter pilot'. You're no better of a pilot than you were in the womb." Lance flinched, eyes watering. Shiro spoke up this time, "You put us all in danger, Lance." Pidge piped up, "Yeah! Now we have to come get your ass." Lance wanted to yell and scream that they were the ones at fault. They hadn't helped him when he really needed it. "We don't have to get him, just Blue. Allura said that the blue paladin is the easiest to replace, so why would we put ourselves in jeopardy over a worthless and useless paladin?" Hunk's words sliced through Lance, forcing the breath out of his lungs. "Hunk buddy, you would never mean that!" Lance cried, reaching a hand out towards his childhood friend. The look Hunk gave him caused him to jerk back like he was burned. "Of course I would, it's the truth, isn't it?" Lance curled in on himself, tears dripping down his face and mixing with snot. "You're not real, you're not real." His voice broke a couple times, trying to drown out the comments from his fellow paladins._

_"You were only fighter class because I dropped out." Keith._

_"You're never smart enough to understand your role in the team!" Pidge._

_"You're the butt of a bad joke." Shiro._

_"Blue only chose you because the rest of us were meant to be paladins."_ _Hunk._

_"You're a big mistake! Shiro and I have a running list of things you've messed up." Keith again._

_Lance shoved his hands over his ears, begging them to stop, please. his sobs echoed in the unending hallways, yet the voices of the paladins didn't._

 

Shiro stood in the med bay once more, watching Lance's facial expressions morph. The pain and agony did not fit Lance's face. His normally smiling face was pulled into a frown. Shiro's hands itched to smooth the frown, or maybe kiss it away. Wait, what? Shiro's face flooded with color at the prospect of such an idea. Grumbling, the black paladin turned to search for Allura. He needed to speak his feelings out; see if they were valid.

Shiro knocked on the Princess' door, murmuring her name. A few moments later, the princess opened the door with a small smile. "Yes, Shiro?" Shiro fumbled with his words and sighed, "Can I talk to you about something?" Allura nodded and stepped so Shiro could enter. Shiro settled himself on the bed and rubbed his hands together. "Ever since we got Lance back, I've been having these...feelings. Whenever he frowns, I want to smooth the lines out or kiss him into a smile. It hurts me to see him suffering, and I know everyone probably feels that way. But even before we lost him, I felt pulled towards his laugh, and his smile made my stomach flip. Sometimes his eyes would light up when he would talk about his family. When he got hurt, I felt like I was being ripped apart. I wanted to protect him with everything I had; I still do." Shiro took a breath and spared a glance at Allura. The princess grinned, sashaying her way over to the black paladin. "Shiro has a cruuush." Shiro laughed, nodding in agreement. "I guess I do, but can you blame me? He's amazing when he focuses, he cares so much about others. Remember when we were caught in dead space and he gave Pidge and hunk his food portions? And then when he saved Coran from the blast? Or how about the time he took those shots for Keith when he was down?" Shiro's face paled and he glanced away, voice dropping to a chilling whisper. "We didn't help him when he needed us. He got captured for months because we didn't help him." Allura sighed and sat beside Shiro, sighing. "Do not blame yourself, Shiro. It will not do anything now. The only thing that matters now is that we are there for him in the future." Shiro smiled, about to speak until Pidge burst into the room. "Matt is waking up!!! C'mon Shiro, Allura!!!!" Shiro jumped up and followed the young teen down to the med bay.

Matt was sitting on a spare chair, juice pouch in hand. Shiro's gaze landed on the nerd, grinning at the sight of his old friend. "Hey Matt," Shiro squatted next to a grinning Matt, who was murmuring shushed phrases. Matt adjusted Pidge's glass on his nose and shot his sibling a look. "Katie, God is real. In the form of whatever Hunk's cooking is." Pidge snorted and nodded, sending Hunk a grin. Hunk's cheeks flooded with color, the Samoan soon becoming bright red. Shiro patted Matt's shoulder, agreeing quietly. Lance's pod beeped, and all attention was ripped toward the tube. The barrier collapsed, Lance tumbling out after it. Shiro jumped forward, Lance landing with a soft 'oomph'. Once awake, Lance's eyes shot open. Shiro's gaze caught on Lance's right eye, something akin to curiosity and awe flitting through his stomach. Blue code lined the outside, and Shiro watched the pupil adjust to the light. A soft cough from Allura tore him from the eye and let Lance stand up, avoiding looking at him. Keith and Pidge shared a look, and Shiro caught the terrifying grin on Pidge's face. Quiznack. Shiro turned to face Matt and gestured to Lance. "Matt, this is Lance-" Matt snorted, covering his face. "Shiro, we shared a cell. Plus he saved my life. I know who Lance is." Lance raised his human hand, giving a little wave. "Hello, again Matt-" Lance started, getting cut off by a huge bear hug from only one person. Hunk. Lance relaxed into Hunk's touch hesitantly. Shiro watched Lance closely, not missing the way Lance seemed a little...uneasy. Lance's tech hand twitched, tapping Hunk gently. Hunk seemed to understand and released Lance. Shiro's eye narrowed and he surveyed Lance, not missing the frail bones poking out from hard muscle. Shiro had a gut feeling that they weren't just testing on him. "Lance, did you fight in the arena?" Watching Lance flinch at his voice caused a twinge of Shiro's heart. "Yeah. Man some of those monsters were twice my size!" Lance gestured, voice soft. Keith started to speak, voice hard. Shiro's stomach lurched at the hint of venom underlying in his tone. "What did they-" "Alright paladins!" Allura clapped, "Let's go ahead and get Lance and Matt lunch, and then we can ask them questions!" Shiro cast a glance at Keith, deciding to later have a discussion with the red paladin.

Lance listened to the conversations of the others, pushing his food around with his spoon. Sitting in a pod for who knows how long didn't really formulate an appetite, he guessed. Lance sighed quietly, lifting his gaze to analyze the people of the table. Something made his hairs rise on his left arm, so he turned to glare back at Keith. "Do you have a problem?" Lance snapped, gritting his teeth together. He'd had enough of Keith glaring at him during his stay with Zarkon, he didn't need it when he had supposedly gotten back. Keith tilted his head and made that huff of air he normally does before he spits fire. Lance relaxed back into his chair when Keith started, "Yes, I do, actually! You wake up and everyone fails to mention that you couldn't hold off a couple of drones!?" Lance spared him a glance before turning to Allura and Coran. "How's my girl Blue? The galra didn't mess with her too much did they?" Lance saw out of the corner of his eye that Keith was practically fuming and a proud feeling bloomed in his chest. Coran piped up, a grin on his face. "Blue is doing swell! She just had some damage from the hits you guys took, but other than those she had recovered well on her own." Lance felt pride swell for his lion, and he reached out towards her mentally, relieved to find her presence. She purred contentedly, sending back bursts of love. Lance flinched at the harsh noise of Keith shoving his chair back. "Are you guys really going to just ignore his slip up!? He can't hold off drones, much less Zark-" "Enough Keith!!!!" Lance shrunk into his chair, covering his ears. Lance's ears rang, tears slipping past his eyelashes without warning or permission. A hand gently pressed against his own, causing Lance to shoot back into his chair. Lifting his hand from his eyes, Lance's gaze landed on Matt's face. Matt nodded, gesturing to Shiro and Keith, and then to the door. Lance took Matt's outstretched hand and followed him out of the room. Pidge and Hunk watched the two go, waggling their eyebrows at each other. Pidge was glad their brother had stood up and gotten Lance out of the noisy dining hall. If he hadn't, Pidge would have done it themselves. Allura yelled over the two arguing brothers, scaring them into silence.

Lance shuffled into his room behind Matt, watching Pidge's brother carefully. Matt turned and shut the door behind them, "I'm sorry they started yelling, I can tell the devices in your ears are sensitive to sound." Lance was suddenly very glad for Matt's soft voice. Nodding, Lance settled on his bed, curling into a ball on it. Matt sat next to him on the bed, settling his hands in his lap. Lance stared at the window in his room, his right eye telling him what planets and stars he was looking at. "You know, Haggard tortured me with visions of the others." Lance paused, shivering slightly. Suddenly the thin fabric of the pod suit was not enough to keep him warm. Matt lifted the blanket from the end of the bed and laid on Lance, watching the blue paladin with concern. "Sometimes I'm worried this is one of those hallucinations, but you're here this time. It's like you're a reminder that this whole thing isn't just a nightmare." Lance sighed, pulling the blanket closer to his face. Matt watched the other boy, eyes widening. Lance was laid on his side, his natural eye facing Matt. The constellations and colors of the space around them reflected on the pale eyes, and Matt found himself watching the expressions Lance made. Water lined Lance's eyes, and Matt decided he should probably do something. With a sigh, Matt stood and walked over to the TV-like screen, fiddling with it until he got an altean version of a show they used to have back on home. Lance watched, trying to figure out what Matt was doing. With a soft cheer of victory, Matt stood back and gestured to the screen. In white letters and black outline, English subtitles narrated the show playing. Lance felt a grin forcing its way onto his face before he scooted over so Matt could sit. "You really are Pidge's brother. I don't know how you guys manage to figure stuff out like this. It's...amazing." Matt laughed, scooting in next to Lance. The two boys drifted off to the drama of an Altean show, only being awoken by a soft knock from Shiro one the door.

When Lance woke up, he expected to be back in the cell. For all of this to be a dream. For a couple seconds, panic rose when his gaze fell on Shiro. His brain immediately supplied that this might be having a vision or hallucination at first, and he tensed. When something next to him shifted, Lance just about flew off the bed. "Whugh!" Maybe he didn't fly per say, but his butt sure felt like it hit the floor at approximately five miles an hour. Despite breaking his ass, Lance found himself still buzzing with panic. With quick realization, he also realized that he was no longer wearing the pod suit, and instead was in his normal shirt with what appeared to be leggings.

"-ance." Flinching at his name, the blue paladin lifted his gaze to Shiro's face. Worry seemed to tug at the older man's face, almost calming Lance. "Lance, are you okay?" The unusual question made Lance tense, waiting for the lash of words from his paladin. Maybe telling him that he slept in too long and that he was slacking on his duties; treating this situation like a joke. It didn't come, only a repetition of the question from a different voice. Lance flicked his gaze to the new voice and Matt came into focus. Confusion flickered, and then it clicked. Lance visually relaxed at the sight of the most recent Voltron member. Lance nodded at both of them, "Yeah, I'm okay. Just a little disorientated at first." Lance watched Matt give him a look that made his stomach flutter. Deciding now to not panic about the (most likely) fleeting feeling, Lance pushed himself up from his spot on the floor. Grumbling, Lance placed his hands on his butt and mumbled something about not scaring the recent prisoner. Lance caught Shiro's gaze, only for Shiro's cheeks to flare up a little pink (it's probably the lighting) and for him to dart his gaze away. "So whatcha need Shiro?" Lance sat down on the bed, gaze narrowing on Shiro. 'Skintight shirts need to be banned from the castle. Immediately.' Lance huffed silently at the black shirt Shiro wore, and luckily for Lance, it showed off every single dip and curve of muscle or bone underneath the fabric. "Oh, yes. I wanted to inform you that we will be having training, and Allura wants to see if you seem fit enough to train with us." Lance nodded, "Sure, I'll be out in a minute." With that, Lance watched Shiro leave, admiring the way the captain's shoulder muscles moved as he walked. When the door shut, Lance turned to Matt and groaned. Matt laughed quietly, covering his mouth with his hand. "You know, Shiro shouldn't be allowed to wear shirts like that. It's unfair to my poor, bi heart." Matt snorted, and the sound made Lance's stomach flip once more. "He wore shirts like that back at the Garrison. I think it was secretly how he got all his high ratings from the teachers." Matt whispered, shoving Lance's shoulder softly. If Lance had water in his mouth, he probably would have done a spit-take. Gladly for both Lance and the floor, he didn't have water in his mouth. Both boys pushed themselves up off of the bed and headed out towards the training deck.

Lance cringed at the bright lights in the training room, the disorientating feeling reminding him of the tactics haggard and her witches used to disorient him before a torture session. Matt walked in behind him, and the subtle brushes of his hand kept Lance grounded. It was a weird feeling, going from not knowing someone to them being your anchor and shield. At least in Lance's opinion. But no way in hell would he ever complain about having someone to keep him from having flashbacks or feeling like he was watching the experience out of his own body. Lance felt a gaze glaring into his side, and he would bet 100 million dollars that it was none other than Keith Kogane. With a glance cast to his right, Lance confirmed that he was indeed right. "Okay, the first thing we will be doing is hand to hand against each other. Two at a time." Lance watched Keith perk up at that, and Lance found himself suddenly itching to kick 'Mr. Perfect's' ass. "Lance, Keith, you will be going first," Allura stepped outside of the training deck along with Shiro, Hunk, and Pidge, Matt already with Coran up in the viewers section. Lance sighed and took his spot across from Keith. Lance decided to maybe use his advantages. Hey, he had 'em, why not use them? Stats showed up in an almost screen like manner, with simple things such as Keith's heart rate, where his muscles were especially tensed for movement, etc. With a dismissive train of thought, the stats disappeared. Lance dropped down into a defensive stance, waiting for Keith to attack. When Keith took a quick step forward and tried to catch Lance in his side, the blue paladin was quick to meet him with a block and a jab. Surprise lit up Keith's face and Lance gave a small grin at having caught him off guard. With a quick succession of moves, including catching Keith's heels and getting him to tumble over, Keith was splayed on the training floor. Maybe something good did come out of his stay with the galra. Lance sighed and sidestepped as Keith tried to trip him up. Crossing his arms, Lance leaned against a wall, gaze landing on a furious Keith. "Hey! That was unfair! He caught me off guard! It's not fair, he comes back and no one gets on his ass and then all of a sudden he can fight!" Keith threw his hands up and glared at Lance. Lance returned the glare, "Believe me, Keith. If you went through what I did, You wouldn't be standing here. You probably would have blabbered all about Voltron the minute the druids touched your brain." Lance caught a flinch from Shiro behind the doors and instantly felt bad about mentioning the druids. Keith rose to the comment and stomped towards Lance, pushing a finger into his chest. "How do  _we_ know you didn't give up Voltron? We don't. So shut your mouth and get ready to get your ass whooped." Lance faltered at Keith's question of his loyalty. The comment almost reminded him of something hallucination Keith said. Flinging those thoughts into very, very far away places, Lance joined Keith in the middle of the room, falling back into his defensive stance. "Why don't you attack first, cargo pilot?" Lance gritted his teeth at the name, trying to ignore the sick feeling in his stomach. Lance tried to refocus, faking left before darting right and catching Keith behind the knee. Keith stumbled for a couple seconds before sending out a blocked hit.

Allura stepped into the room, making Keith and Lance pause. "Alright, good work Lance and Keith, you may go wash up," Keith took the pause from Lance to trip him up. Lance hit the floor with a thump, the blue paladin groaning. "That was actual cheating." Lance shoved himself up from the ground and away from a still upset Keith. As soon both boys had exited the training room, Keith started stomping back to his room. Lance harrumphed, missing the times when Keith would walk back with him and they would actually get along. "Keith, what did I do to piss you off? Why do you hate me all of a sudden?" Lance cringed at the fact that his voice kind of shook. Keith halted and turned on his heel, "You never get into trouble! If I couldn't handle my own out on the field, Shiro would chew my ass!" A sick kind of feeling bubbled under Lance's skin as he spoke. "I had a whole fleet on me, you might not have been paying attention to anyone fighting but you, but I asked for help. I asked for help and no one gave it to me!" Lance sighed and slumped against a wall, shoving his face in his hands. Keith's facial expression softened, shuffling towards Lance and crouched next to him. "You asked for help?" Lance nodded, furiously biting back tears. "You guys told me to handle it. Shiro told me that you guys were too bogged down too. Obviously not bogged down enough to not make it out of the battle." Lance swallowed the bitterness of the words, fingernails on his human dug into his cheeks. "Lance, I- we.. I'm sorry. You were gone for two months.. all because of us. You went through what you did because of us." Keith sounded near tears, but Lance didn't feel the need to check. Lance took a deep breath and shoved down the feeling of throwing up. "And now that I'm back, you've been yelling and glaring at me. Shiro is tiptoeing around me like I'm made of glass, it'd be nice to have someone be able to relate to what I went through! Hunk hasn't talked to me since I woke up and he looks at me like I'm half of the best friend he used to know! Pidge looks at me like I'm going to burst into tears at any moment-" Lance sniffed and took a breath, "I just want my friends back." Lance's voice cracked at the last words, and he lifted his head. Keith was sitting next to him, eyebrows pulled down in concern. Tears glittered on the red paladin's eyelashes. "I was so scared for you, I saw the ship force their way into Blue, and then we heard the commander or whatever through your coms." Lance inhaled sharply, only imagining what it would have been like to watch Shiro or Matt get dragged away after being injured. "You were gone for so long, Lance. The castle was so empty without you." Keith continued, dropping his head against Lance's shoulder. It was a bittersweet feeling to know the people in the castle missed him. But it also made him feel like throwing up for thinking that his team hadn't helped him for a reason. "Keith-" Red alarms blared through the castle, Allura's voice breaking the raucous alarm.

Rushing to his gear, Lance shuffled out of his current clothes once in his room. The armor was new, an updated version of the old ones he lost to the Galra. Lance struggled with the body suit for a lil', admiring the way it fit. His bones poked out a little too much to his liking, but most everything else was trimmed muscle. When fully in armor, Lance contacted Allura to ask about his bayard. "Allura, will I have a bayard?" static met his ears at first, only to clear up, "Yes! Blue somehow managed to hide the bayard in her cockpit! Coran found it while checking her out." Lance grinned and headed towards his hangar. The ride was refreshing; something constant. When Lance got near Blue, he could hear her deafening purr. The little bike like thing came to half, almost having Lance tumble off of it. **I do not want you flying, Paladin. You are not yet ready to go back into battle. Doing so may risk your team.** Lance gritted his teeth, tears pricking his eyes. He was a bother once more. Flicking his coms on, Lance shrugged himself off of the bike. "Blue won't let me in." "Oh dear, I'll send Allura down quickly." Lance bit his lip to keep his tears from spilling. "Okay." Lance trudged his way back to his room, pulling off his armor.

_Loud ringing burst through the silence, the ringing a mix of his teammate's voice. "Allura makes a better pilot than you." "Keith is right, we won't risk Voltron to get you back." "Blue is the easiest to replace since she's so welcoming." Lance covered his ears, sinking to the ground._

"Lance! Lance, it's not real, it's okay."

Something foggy broke through the cacophony of voices; like it was pulling him away from the noise.

"-ance, hey!"

Lance's body tumbled to the floor with a loud thump.

**Author's Note:**

> This work will be updated on the weekends. I hope you guys enjoy! send me a message to point out any mistakes of grammar or not. Yell at me @ Nymphcos on instagram! Sorry about the format, I'm not sure if I can really change it, but yeah, sorry about that guys. Also, next chapter will probably be a full ride. Get ready! //rubs hands together


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